September 20, 2015

Sinday Levitycus: Religious Bone-Head Syndrome

Religious Bone-Head Syndrome (RBHS) is a viral mental illness that is not so new to humans. It was first reported in Mount Sinai around 1500 BCE, when a man named Moses came into contact with the virus through unprotected handling of a couple of stone tablets that fell from the heaven. It has since mutated into various forms, and spread to several other countries including the United States.

The virus spreads through human communication, and enters the body through the person's eyes and ears. It then rapidly invades the nerve and brain tissues in the cranium, in turn leading to pervasive calcification. The symptoms mimic Fahr’s Syndrome, but are much more severe.

Patients always complain of hallucinations, and demonstrate profound, psychotic loss of contact with reality. While the virus could potentially affect all people, it is especially virulent in immortality-compromised older adults. Surprisingly, the virus doesn’t seem to affect infants and children who cannot yet communicate verbally with adults.

In the US, most people infected with RBHS-V have been observed to develop severe delusion, causing them to trample on the rights of others while blaming them for transgressing on their own rights, shred the Bill of Rights and throw it to the winds, claim the nation for their religion, taking a pilgrimage to Kentucky, and otherwise normal behavior of people of faith.

In a now famous case, a four-times married Kentucky clerk, who claims to have contracted the virus four years ago, appears to have completely lost memory of her three previous marriages. Under questioning, she is known assert repeatedly that she strictly follows the rule of “marriage between one man and one woman”, just as her god has willed! When the virus infects people in high places - candidates for the Presidency or the Congress, for example - lesions develop in the Wernicke area of their brain, causing their speech to become more incoherent and nonsensical than usual, bordering on lunacy.

It is strongly advised that patients afflicted with the RBHS-V are kept indefinitely in isolation wards to control and mitigate the spread of this dangerous virus. At the very least, they should be kept as far away from the White House and the Capitol as possible.

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