May 15, 2011

Sinday Levitycus

Heaven for your dog... only $135! Each additional pet — dog, cat, hamster, whatever — for just $20. Hurry, before the imminent Rapture on May 21st! Don't miss out on this fantastic deal of the century! Learn more ...

In 2009, he launched Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA. Bart guarantees that if or when the Rapture comes he or one of his 44 contractors in 26 states will drive to your home within 24 hours, collect your dog, cat, bird, rabbit or small caged mammal, and adopt it. (Rapture rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys are limited to New Hampshire, Vermont, Idaho and Montana.)

The cost is $135, plus $20 per additional animal. Payable upfront, of course, and good for 10 years.The heavenly destination Each additional pet of yours will be taken care of $20.

“Right now, we have over 250 clients,” said Bart, 62 ...

Only 250 clients, and that too at such a ridiculously low price? Oh, come on, Mr. Bart, you must be kidding. You have a potential market that runs into billions. Churches, mosques, and temples have been collecting hundred, thousand, even million, times that amount from the religulous to reserve their spots in the heaven. I strongly recommend that you hire a top notch consultant — at the risk of being immodest, me — to rework your marketing strategy.

Hat Tip: Project Reason

1 comment :
  1. 257 clients to be precise.

    And if you saw the emails that accuse us of A) having no morals or ethics as atheists B) planning to eat their pets c) of wanting to have sex with their pets and D) that they plan to come and rape and kill us (in that order, interestingly) you'd understand why the a goodly number of Christian rapture believers aren't standing in line to sign up.

    Additionally, we get many emails from people who take their doctrine not from 1 Thessalonians, or the Book of Daniel, but from a 1980's animated movie called "All Dogs go to Heaven."

    Finally, there are those who say Jesus will care for their pets, and they won't be worried about it once they beam up. They forget, or prefer to deny, that Jesus/God drowned the vast number of animals during "the flood"...including the fluffy ones.

    Anyway, one needs to understand the target market and their varying views on the rapture, atheists, the value of their pet's safety, and frankly -the degree to which they actually believe what they claim to believe.

    Best regards,
    Bart Centre
    creator/co-owner EE-BP
    author:The Atheist Camel Chronicles, by Dromedary Hump


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