December 19, 2010

Sinday Levitycus

Just in time for Christmas cheer — from Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979), directed by Terry Jones:

...
FOLLOWERS: Master! The Master! Master! Master!...
SHOE FOLLOWER: The Master! Aha. He is here!
FRANK: Master!
ELSIE: The Gourd has led us...
ARTHUR: The shoe has led us to Him!
FOLLOWERS: The shoe!...
ARTHUR: The shoe has brought us!
ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak!
FOLLOWERS: Shhhhh!
ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak to us, Master! Speak to us!
BRIAN: Go away!
FOLLOWERS: A blessing! A blessing!
ARTHUR: How shall we go away, Master?!
BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone!
SHOE FOLLOWER: Give us a sign!
ARTHUR: He has given us a sign! He has brought us to this place!
BRIAN: I didn't bring you here! You just followed me!
SHOE FOLLOWER: Oh, it's still a good sign by any standard.
ARTHUR: Master! Your people have walked many miles to be with You! They are weary and have not eaten.
BRIAN: It's not my fault they haven't eaten!
ARTHUR: There is no food in this high mountain!
BRIAN: Well, what about the juniper bushes over there?
ELSIE: Hhhh!
FOLLOWERS: Heh! A miracle! A miracle! Ohh!...
SHOE FOLLOWER: He has made the bush fruitful by His words.
YOUTH: They have brought forth juniper berries.
BRIAN: Of course they've brought forth juniper berries! They're juniper bushes! What do you expect?!
ELSIE: Show us another miracle!
ARTHUR: Do not tempt Him, shallow ones! Is not the miracle of the juniper bushes enough?!
SIMON: I say, those are my juniper bushes.
ARTHUR: They are a gift from God!
SIMON: They're all I've bloody got to eat. Uhm. I say, get off those bushes! Go on! Clear off, the lot of you. Go on.
HARRY: Lord! I am affected by a bald patch.
BLIND MAN: I am healed! The Master has healed me!
BRIAN: I didn't touch him!
BLIND MAN: I was blind, and now I can see! Aargh!

whump

FOLLOWERS: A miracle! A miracle! A miracle!
SIMON: Tell them to stop it. I hadn't said a word for eighteen years till he came along.
ELSIE: Hhh!
FOLLOWERS: A miracle! He is the Messiah!
SIMON: Well, he hurt my foot!
FOLLOWERS: Hurt my foot, Lord! Hurt my foot. Hurt mine...
ARTHUR: Hail Messiah!
BRIAN: I'm not the Messiah!
ARTHUR: I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
FOLLOWERS: Hail Messiah!
BRIAN: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!
GIRL: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
BRIAN: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
FOLLOWERS: He is! He is the Messiah!
BRIAN: Now, fuck off!

silence

ARTHUR: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone.
SIMON: You told these people to eat my juniper berries. You break my bloody foot. You break my vow of silence, and then you try and clean up on my juniper bushes!
BRIAN: Oh, lay off!
ARTHUR: This is the Messiah, the Chosen One!
SIMON: No, he's not.
BRIAN: Aaaagh!
ARTHUR: An unbeliever!
FOLLOWERS: An unbeliever!
ARTHUR: Persecute! Kill the heretic!
FOLLOWERS: Kill the heretic! Kill him! Persecute! Kill!...

Come this Saturday, celebrate reason with Life of Brian on DVD or video on demand!

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