March 15, 2010

Ten Corollaries

To the "Ten Commandments", of course! Here they go:

1 I am the Lord your God.
Jealous and vengeful, "punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me". You shall not blackmail, but I can, and I will.
2 You shall have no other gods before me.
After me, you can have as many as you like. Hitler, Reagan, Obama, Child Molesters, Oil... Take your pick!
3 You shall not make for yourself an idol.
Of course, you can have others make idols for you and me. Michelangelo, for example.
4 You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God,
F#@* everyone else's god — Allah, Buddha, Shiva, whatever.
5 Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
By watching football all day from your couch with a keg of beer and your wife doing all the work.
6 Honor your father and mother.
By sending them to the nursing home when they become a pain in the ass.
7 You shall not murder.
But, heaven awaits you for killing abortion providers, gays, lesbians, and pagans!
8 You shall not commit adultery.
And, if you do, deny vehemently: "I did not have sex with that woman".
9 You shall not steal.
Except from the tax payers.
10 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
Against yourself, you can always take the Fifth!
11 You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
Your neighbor's husband is fair game, though!
12 You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Remember, wives belong to their husbands.
13 I know, I know, there are twelve commandments there, and it's hard enough for people to remember 10. 10 is a nice number that rolls off your tongue easily, though. Use your creativity, okay, to rephrase them into nine. The tenth commandment is:
You shall always refer to these as the Ten Commandments and their Ten Corollaries!
5 comments :
  1. I do not find this amusing.. Poking fun at the commandments of another religion doesn't seem nice..

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  2. Doli,
    This blog is not about being nice, especially to religions. Thanks for visiting.

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  3. Hi,

    I realize that "No religion" is a part of your mantra, and that's fine by me. And I haven’t read all your blog posts either.

    But I couldn't help wondering if this was one of those instances of so-called atheism being fueled by sheer ignorance. For instance, there's a sequel/ condensation to the Ten Commandments in the latter part of the Bible... two simple statements that can apply to any faith. It's very easy to make generalizations and see literal and chauvinistic interpretations in any religious text...and it's far too simple a trap to fall into.
    Introducing shades of grey for oneself, while keeping pure B&W rules for everyone else is human nature and not the domain of any particular faith. Perversions of commandments that suit one's convenience are not a new phenomenon.... but that has never been justified by anybody who understands the spirit of the commandments. Bill Clinton doesn't really strike me as a very rational choice of illustration :)
    I don't claim to know my religion perfectly or to be the best representative of it. But I keep my faith because I believe it makes me a better person. I'm sure your lack of it is driven by a similar line of thought too. What prompted me to comment here is that most of the atheists I know (and respect) have based their arguments on sounder reasons and a clearer understanding of the faith they claim to reject.

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  4. Zara,
    There is no clearer understanding required to poke fun at, or better still, reject all religions, than simply this: There is no such thing as a [supernatural] god. Everything else follows.

    As for the use of Bill Clinton, etc., a little exaggeration is what makes satire/humor - the category in which this post has been filed. I am sorry that you haven't been able to appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete

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