Who says earthquakes cannot be predicted? No sir, not according to Pat Robertson, a leading American televangelist. In fact, yesterday's 7.0 earthquake in Haiti has been predicted more than two centuries ago, says Mr. Robertson. Unbelievable? Listen to the man himself:
In case you didn't get it quite right from the video, here's the transcript:
Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal.
And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other. Desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It is cut down the middle on the one side is Haiti the other is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. They need to have and we need to pray for them a great turning to god and out of this tragedy I'm optimistic something good may come.
What Pat Robertson is referring to is a Voodoo ceremony in 1791 Haiti, then under the French rule, that might or might not have taken place. Known as the Bois Caiman Ceremony, it is supposed to have signaled the beginning of the Haitian Revolution against the French. A Boston Tea Party of sorts, perhaps. Ever since, with hurricane after hurricane, and now with a 7.0 magnitude earthquake, the Haitians have been paying for their original sin, according to Robertson. If only had Haiti paid attention to the other famous predictions of this idiot savant in Voodoo geology and more, they may have been spared this tragedy.
For example, Predicting 9/11 was a piece of cake for Pat Robertson and his fellow specialist in Voodoo politics, Jerry Faldwell:
Falwell: throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad...I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the finger in their face and say you helped this happen.
Robertson: I totally concur ...
It's that simple. All they had to do was to extrapolate the secular and feminist trends in the U.S. of A., and voilà, god will certainly bring death and destruction upon liberal New York!
Then came Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Once again, Robertson easily proved the precise relationship between abortion and hurricane, using Voodoo climatology:
I was reading, yesterday, a book that was very interesting about what God has to say in the Old Testament about those who shed innocent blood. And he used the term that those who do this, "the land will vomit you out." That -- you look at your -- you look at the book of Leviticus and see what it says there.
I wish the scientists and the leaders, who met in Copenhagen last year, had heeded Robertson's advice and "looked at the book of Levitcus", don't you?
Robertson could even predict catastrophic events to affect individuals. With clear and unblemished reasoning based on his expertise in Voodoo neurology, Dr. Robertson knew immediately after Israel's pull out from the Gaza strip that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon would be felled by a stroke:
... I think we need to look at the Bible and the Book of Joel. The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who, quote, "divide my land." God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible, he says, "This is my land." And for any prime minister of Israel who decides he going carve it up and give it away, God says, "No. This is mine." And the same thing -- I had a wonderful meeting with Yitzhak Rabin in 1974. He was tragically assassinated, and it was terrible thing that happened, but nevertheless, he was dead. And now Ariel Sharon, who was again a very likeable person, a delightful person to be with. I prayed with him personally. But here he is at the point of death. He was dividing God's land, and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU, the United Nations or United States of America. God said, "This land belongs to me, you better leave it alone."
Wow, the man is amazing! I appeal to President Obama to immediately appoint him as the Secretary of Homeland Spirituality, Special Envoy to the Kingdom of God, and the Director of National Voodoo Science Foundation. If you needed more self-referrals to the spirit of Christianity shining through the mouth of Pat Robertson, please visit here. Thanks.