July 29, 2009

A Bit of Porn for the Gods

Indralok: c. 5110, Kali Yuga

Varuna woke up with a start. What's all that commotion about in the grand court of Lord Indra? Have the Asuras invaded us again? As he sleepily walked into the room, Varuna didn't see any Asura, only Indra and a few of his trusted Devas, milling around Lord Krishna with his mouth wide open.

Varuna: What's all this ruckus? Why are you guys peering into Lord Krishna's mouth?

Indra: Ah, Varuna, come on in. Sorry to have woken you up. We are just watching the prime time news broadcast from the earth. Here, take a peek, if you'd like.

Varuna [bends over and peers into Krishna's mouth]: What's going on here? Why are those girls plowing the field? Where are the farmers and their oxen?

Indra: Varuna, take a closer look. There's more to see than just a few girls where the oxen ought to be.

Varuna [bending over a bit more]: Jesus Christ... oops... Krishna, Krishna! Those kids are naked!

Indra [chuckling mischievously]: Yup, free porn, Varuna, free porn! Our divine courtesans, Ramba, Urvasi, and Thilothama are no match for these nubile beauties from the earth... ah, how they've made my day!

Varuna [frowning, and muttering to himself]: What a jerk! Why, he must have already forgotten what happened to him when he lured Ahalya in the disguise of her husband...

Indra: I heard you, Varuna. Don't be such a prude. Heavens won't crash if we watched a bit of harmless porn, will they? Besides, it's not that I have made those girls immaculately pregnant as I did Kunti.

Varuna: Alright, Indra, that's enough. Tell me, why are these girls plowing the field in the nude?

Indra: Actually, Varuna, it's all your fault. I tried to placate them with some sound and fury, but it signified nothing with you in deep slumber. And now these poor farmers think that they can shame us into sending their way a thunderstorm or two by... hehe... shaming their daughters! Shame us, eh... perhaps if they had paraded the boys naked... but that won't play well with the lascivious men among them, will it?

Varuna [sarcastic now]: Really, Indra, how can they? Whatever gave them the idea that they could shame you into anything, eh?

Indra: Spare the snark, Varuna. Don't forget that I am your Lord now. These fellows have been parading their daughters naked on the fields for centuries, perhaps, even millennia. They did it in c.3751, c.4123, c.4134, c.4145, ... Of course, we never blinked, but they insist on repeating the show. Makes me wonder if they are doing it for us, or for their own entertainment.

Varuna: Whatever happened to their code of honor, Indra? Aren't these the same fellows who'd mercilessly kill their daughters for merely eloping with beaus of their choice?

Indra: Honor killing? Tsk, tsk... well, my dear Varuna, between honor and your next meal, what would you have chosen, eh? Besides, whoever said that Athena and Saraswati have any hold on these village idiots? Check this out, these are the same fellows who will, in a blink, burn buses and stone restaurants to protest young girls and boys celebrating a day in honor of our friend, St. Valentine!

Varuna: And, molest the girls for drinking a cup of Soma! I know, I know. Aren't there laws against this sort of a thing in India?

Indra: Of course, there are, but you see, India, as it claims in its Constitution, is a secular, socialist state. That's a mouthful, but what it really means is that the poor and the minorities can do nothing wrong, while the rich and the majority can do nothing right.
If the government were to take action against some dumb tradition in one religion, then they'll be forced to take action against every dumb tradition in every religion. You and I know all too well that religions are brimming with dumb traditions and beliefs, especially among the poor. With a majority of Indians being poor, it means disaster at the polling station.
Whatever it is, it means free porn for us, don't you agree?

Varuna: Speak for yourself, Indra. I am disgusted, and I am going back to sleep. Keep it down for a few years, okay?

5 comments :
  1. I am shocked that Krishna decided to broadcast this shameful ritual - He who sent unending supply of cloth to save one woman from the dishonor of nudity in dwapara yuga. Even Gods are not beyond corruption in kaliyuga? All this is too depressing.

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  2. FYI, Indra did not immaculately impregnate Kunti. She slept with all 4 Devas (Surya, Yama, Indra and Vayu) before she bore her 4 sons. It is, in fact, only in Surya's case that the Deva restored her virginity to her. - AFTER sexual intercourse. None of the 4 births were immaculate.

    But great post otherwise. :-)

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  3. Manasi:
    I stand corrected. It's my recollection from a childhood story that Kunti chanted the mantra that Durvasa had given her, and she became pregnant. Of course, I should have known that no one would have told me the details then. Surya, Indra & co. were not about to roll over and grant her wishes without her granting them their wishes, were they? Stupid me!

    While we are at this, did Dasaratha's wives also have extra-marital relationships? It's difficult for me to imagine Sumitra and Kaikeyi being impregnated by a snake, a conch, and a wheel, though!

    None of these negates the incontrovertible truth that Jesus Christ was conceived immaculately by Virgin Mary;)

    Religulous!

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  4. I arrived here from DesiPundit - and am I glad I did! I have written a few posts about the perversion of religion (not the literal meaning of course) - but I could never have done it even close to this good :)

    An of course, I'm linking to this post!

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