December 13, 2007

The Disciplining of Radha and Krishna

India has more people living with AIDS than any other country in the world. South Asia is estimated to be home to the second largest numbers of internationally trafficked persons, estimated to be around 150,000 annually; the figures of children in prostitution in India range from 300,000 to 500,000. Every 26 minutes a woman in India is molested. Every 34 minutes a woman is raped. Every 42 minutes a woman is sexually harassed.

Then, an actor named Kushboo comes along and gives sensible advice to teenagers on safe sex. She is greeted with brickbats and broomsticks, and harassed in the court rooms into silence. Suhasini Maniratnam, another actor and a film director, and Sania Mirza, a tennis star, who came to her support, are likewise harassed and intimidated into silence. How dare they blacken the name of our virtuous Kannagi, and blaspheme the Koran by advocating Khalwat? Surreptitiously providing free sex education to our innocent girls and boys, shame on them! What's the government doing about the moral decadence among today's youth? Why don't the cops patrol the streets, parks, and the beaches, and round up these scandalous girls and boys, who bring shame to their families and our tradition?

When boys and girls meet in India, they do what boys and girls do when they meet, world over. What boys and girls have done in every eon that goes back to the days of Shakuntala and Dushyanta, Radha and Krishna. The boys and girls meeting in Bangalore's Lal Bagh or Cubbon Park are no exception. They don't want the fate of Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty to befall them, so they seek the cover of the big bushes before they steal a kiss or two. Voyeurs and peeping toms ,who don't want to pay Rs. 100 to get their titillation by watching Kamal Haasan kiss Rani Mukherjee on the big screen, are undeterred. They peer over the bush, through the bush, and around the bush, straining every muscle to get a glimpse of the lovers. Successful, but bitten by envy from their own youth having been wasted with no such opportunities, they complain to the Bangalore Horticulture Department, the custodians of the parks, as well as the Indian tradition.

A billion neurons in some minion's brain fire in unison, and he gets a brilliant idea. Why not trim the bushes to expose the culprits to everyone? Surely, they'll be shamed into behaving themselves in the full view of their aunts, uncles, grandpas, and grandmas!

"The garden benches that are in the interiors are shifted to open and bushes that had wide growth [are trimmed]. We are reducing the bushes that spread more than 20 feet in radius."

For an added measure, security men are asked to monitor the lovers, and should they be found wanting, lecture them on "decency". Like, "Restrain yourself to doing what MGR and Jayalalitha did, when they held each other tightly and frolicked on these very park grounds. Croon a duet, if you will, and I'll play the violin for you. Shall I make these two roses bend over and kiss each other? If none of these would work, why don't you send your horoscope to her dad?"

This one takes the cake! Welcoming the Horticulture department’s idea, a visitor remarked,

It's actually a disgusting scene to see people hug and sit down. Little children who see that also learn the same thing.

What precisely are you objecting to, Visitor? Is it the little children learning to hug, or is it their learning to sit down?

2 comments :
  1. can't you see why this is a nation of repressed, frustrated hypocritical people? that should explain all the eve teasing and physical assaults on women. If there is no healthy outlet for their naturally raging hormones, they resort to these criminal outlets.

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  2. A very nice post. I wanted to vent out the very same things. Moral policing is just growing monstrously. Loved the line where you meant "morons who feel their youth was wasted resort to such cheap gimmicks".

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