September 16, 2007

Vocal Terrorism

According to the BBC News,

Computers could mimic human speech so perfectly that vocal terrorism could be a new threat in 10-15 years' time, scientists suggest. ... The terrorism aspect would come in if the technology were used for more malicious purposes, such as someone taking over a communications network for a country and broadcasting a speech apparently from the country's leader. ...

I think the more likely scenario will be one of mixed blessing, if only the counter-terrorism experts were to make good use of the technology, too. Here are the top ten video clips that I saw [visual terrorism cannot be too far behind the vocal one, can it?], and the synthesized voices heard in those:


Tony Blair, dressed as Princess Vespa, singing in a very deep voice:

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... Nobody knows but Bush... Nobody knows the trouble I've seen in Iraq...


President Hu Jintao, announcing in an embedded YouTube video on his Orkut page:

It is ordered that every member of the Communist Party of China shall have a blog in Blogger, My Space, Orkut, ... or Wordpress. All official communication in China will be through the YouTube, and will be distributed freely across the globe.


Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, speaking from his hospital bed, after a prostate surgery:

I have instructed the National Minorities Commission to declare that no religion, sect, or caste in India will be deemed as a minority, and then dissolve itself. I have also requested my alma mater, the Oxford University, to expunge the word from its dictionary.


Taliban leader Mullah Omar, on horseback somewhere in Pakistan, talking through his cell phone:

I have renounced Islam, and converted to Buddhism. Before they get me for apostacy, I'll commit hara kiri in front of the Bamian Buddhas. Buddham saranam gacchami, dharmam saranam gacchami, sangham saranam gacchami...


Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, speaking from the Knesset, Jerusalem, Israel:

I have decided to accord unqualified recognition to the State of Israel, and have ordered that Palestine be wiped off all the maps used in Iran, replacing it with Israel. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has resigned, and is hereby appointed as the Ambassador to Israel.


Chief Minister M. Karunanidhi, speaking in Kalaignar Tamil from the steps of Fort St.George, Channai, India:

I am pleased to announce my retirement from active politics. I have joined the local Rama Bhaktha Samaj, and plan to spend the rest of my life chanting Ramanama to atone for denying the existence of Lord Rama.


Senator Larry Craig, from a restroom in an airport somewhere in the U.S.A:

No, I did not. Yes, I did. No, I did not say I did because I did. Yes, I said I did, so everyone would think I did not. Now, everyone thinks I did, so I say I did not. Why does it matter if I did or did not, to anyone else who did or did not?


Vice President Dick Cheney, from Baghdad with the backdrop of the statue of Saddam Hussein:

Today, I have tendered my resignation to President Bush, and accepted the Presidency of the Republic of Iraq instead. InshaaAllah, I'll be a worthy follower of my predecessor, President Saddam Hussein.


Michael Moore, standing on the Hollywood Walk of Fame:

As the Vice-President of the United States of America for the rest of the Bush Presidency, I hereby solemnly swear to faithfully execute every order from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia...


The Rational Fool, chanting at the Manikarnika Ghat, Varanasi, India:

Gods exist... politicians are saints ... gods exist... politicians are saints...

Needless to say, I saw the video clips and heard these voices, along with images of angels, ghouls, and vampires swirling around, at 2 o'clock in the morning while I was fast asleep!

  1. Ace!
    But why did you forget Hillary Clinton and Osama bin Laden?

  2. mahendra, thanks.

    rambodoc, I thought I'd leave Hillary and Osama for you and John Stewart respectively, to have some fun with :)


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