September 20, 2007

Chambers v. God

Yesterday, I posted a note on an article by Christopher Hitchens titled, "What Century is This?", in the sidebar column, "Interesting+!!. Hitchens, in his article, lambastes the clergy for describing floods, hurricanes, and other natural calamities, as god's punishment for the promiscuous and wayward behavior of the humans. Written by an avowed atheist, Hitchens' article is hardly surprising, but how about a state senator from Nebraska taking on god?

In a fascinating lawsuit, Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers has taken the almighty god to court, seeking an injunction on him to refrain from those very punishments that Hitchens was referring to. Here are some nuggets from Senator Chambers' petition, with a few minor edits:

  • This Honorable Court has jurisdiction by virtue of the fact that Defendant, being Omnipresent, is personally present in Douglas County.
  • Agents [of the Defendant], regardless of whether claiming exclusive agency or not, appear to be hopelessly alienated, fractious, separated from, and antagonistic towards one another.
  • Plaintiff,despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service [of notice] upon Defendant ("Come out, come out, wherever you are") has been unable to do so.
  • Plaintiff respectfully requests this Honorable Court to find that lawful personal and constructive service has been effectuated by virtue of the fact that Defendant, being Omniscient, shall be deemed to have actual knowledge of this action, sufficient to satisfy all requirement of law regarding notice.
  • Defendant has made and continues to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff whom Plaintiff has the duty to represent.
  • Defendant directly and proximately has caused, inter alia, fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.
  • Defendant has directed chroniclers to assemble and disseminate in written form, said admissions [of causing calamities] throughout the Earth in order to inspire fear, dread, anxiety, terror and uncertainty, in order to coerce obedience to Defendant's will.
  • Defendant has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that Defendant "will laugh" when calamity comes.
  • Contemporary agents of Defendant assert that Defendant has informed them by way of direct and personal communication, that Defendant has caused, is causing, and threatens to cause more calamitous catastrophes rivaling or exceeding those of yore.
  • Plaintiff respectfully prays this Honorable Court to enter a permanent injunction enjoining the Defendant from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats as identified and described herein.

You may read the entire petition here — a required reading for everyone aspiring to be a rational fool! I am also glad to note that, as far as I know, and after nearly a week since Senator Chambers filed his lawsuit, he has not been charged for hurting the sentiments of anyone, no effigy of his has been burnt, and none of his friends and relatives have been harmed, nor have their personal properties been vandalized.

I am undecided between the Hitchens article and the Chambers v. God lawsuit, as to which one has contributed more to the cause of reason. I am sure, however, that but for the Hitchens' article, I'd have been just rolling on the floor, laughing and exclaiming, "What a country!".

3 comments :
  1. Too bad that there don't seem to be too many Gods' advocates in your country unlike ours where in a similar instance we'd have had a million self appointed God's attorneys arguing the defence case.
    Delightful.

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  2. Why...why would you go back to partial feeds???

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  3. usha:
    Welcome back. If you read the petition, you'll note that the US does not suffer from any dearth of such self-appointed agents/attorneys, either :)

    patrix:
    Sorry... working on a couple of javascripts for popouts for the sidebar widgets. Until I succeed or give up, please bear with me. Thanks.

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